Welcome to our Pithy Quotes section!

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who	99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.	A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited in
A bus station is where a bus stops.	A clear conscience is merely the result of bad mem
A closed mouth gathers no feet.	A conscience is what hurts when all your other par
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.	A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.	A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
A fool and his money are soon partying.	A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash a
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pai	A penny saved is ridiculous.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses u	A train station is where a train stops.
A woman need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.	A woman's favorite position is CEO.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't e	Adults are just kids who owe money.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.	Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and	All computers wait at the same speed.
All generalizations are false, including this one.	All generalizations are false.
All men are animals, some just make better pets	All men are idiots....I married their king.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.	All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my ha
Allow me to introduce my selves	Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it
Always remember you're unique just like everyone e	Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough se
Ambivalent? Well yes and no....	Anarchy is better than no government at all.
And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...?	Any small object when dropped will hide under a la
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural st	As is
As long as there are tests there will be prayers i	Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ask me out	Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!	BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?	Bad Hippie, NO Pachulli
Bad spellers of the world untie.	Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nur
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.	Better living through denial
Better to understand a little than to misunderstan	Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed o
Black holes are where God divided by zero.	Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for t
Born Free and Taxed to Death	Born to party, forced to work
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the	Can I trade this job for what's behind door number
Carpe Diem	Change is inevitable, except from a vending machin
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.	Church of abstenence is cool
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.	Clones are people two.
Conclusion: the place where you got tired of think	Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conserve toilet paper use both sides	Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'	Death is life's way of telling you you've been fir
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm	Do I have amnesia? I've forgotten
Do witches run spell checkers?	Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Does your train of thought have a caboose?	Don't Steal - The Government hates competition
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.	Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and s
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.	Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hid
Don't judge a book by its movie.	Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sw	Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will s
Dyslexic satan worshipers think they're worshippin	EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets lat
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into	Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse get
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspiciou	Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.	Editing is a rewording activity.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.	Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Eschew obfuscation.	Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be i	Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't hav	Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get th	Few women admit their age, Few men act theirs
For every action, there is an equal and opposite g	Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn sign
Friction is a drag.	Friends dont let friends take ugly women home.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move	Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.	Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any m	Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Grow your own dope, plant a man.	Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you	Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifeti
Hang up and drive.	Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
Happy Place	Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off N
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead	He who laughs last thinks slowest
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically ch	Health is merely the slowest possible rate at whic
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His anima	Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply	History does not repeat itself, historians merely
Honk if you love peace and quiet.	How can I miss you if you won't go away?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?	How is it possible to have a civil war?
I Hand signal the 80s	I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries
I am in my happy place	I are proud to be a college student
I believe five out of four people have trouble wit	I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
I can't go to work today, the voices said stay hom	I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.	I don't need kids I married one
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute	I doubt, therefore I might be.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol	I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel un
I go from zero to bitch in 3.5 seconds	I haven't been the same since that house fell on m
I intend to live forever - so far, so good	I is a college student.
I just got a gun for my wife. It's the best trade	I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar terr
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.	I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working
I love animals, they taste great.	I love cats they taste like chicken
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries wi	I may be a cruel and heartless bitch but I'm damn
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!	I pass on grass
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.	I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't liste
I smile because I don't know what the hell is goin	I souport publik edekasion
I started out with nothing & still have most of it	I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just want
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.	I used to have an open mind but my brains kept fal
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....	I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be withou	I'd bleed if you shot me in the chest
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar	I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
I'm just driving this way to get you mad.	I'm just working here until a good fast food job o
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week	I'm not constrained by logic
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.	I'm not losing hair I'm getting head
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....	I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun	I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you'v	IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've g
If I throw a stick, will you leave?	If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astoni